Harp N Hoop

I'm still
Like a dark biosphere of water
Reflecting the stars and moon
In the silence

Your voice calls
Sending a ripple of sound
Vertical
Echoeing in every cell


Your hands
Bring ecstacy
Into those strings
With such grace

I wrap up up up in your songs
And come cascading down
Unbound
In it's purity

I have never known

Such

Rapture

Medicine Hoop

Rocking and unlocking
Eyes closed
Skeletal grids

Sometimes there’s pressure
Deep tremors and
Tension

Find the point of power
It’s in the breath

Find the center and dance around
Micro dancing
Little steps

Medicine Hoop

I have you
To guide me
Keep me contained
Hold my roots
Safe

While I open up and out
Let this net woven of pain be thrown off
And melt
Into the Sun.

Teaching Hoop

Illumination
Envelops you
As your hoop hits the beat
Of the music
And your body gathers energy
I see you stepping through
Into the new dimension
Of you.
I’m witnessing
Joy being generated;
I can see you
Letting go
More and more each time
We hoop.
I’m watching you slowly open
Like the first flower of Spring
Years of holding inward
Now being spun outward
And released.
I’m another flower
Whose heart is being opened.
I’m honored
To be a part of this
Illumination.

Hoop Awakenings

Just the act
Of lifting the hoop
Sends new information
Coursing through my veins
This time I notice
A neural-renovation
Has taken place
Sometime in the night
A new passageway
That's opened
Unexplored, uncharted
I have to lean forward
Duck down
To get in

Once inside
The ceiling is higher
Than I could have imagined
And it's a gallery
Of possibilities.

Hooping with Shenpa

On the weekend I was gifted with a spot in a workshop featuring the newest series by Pema Chodron, Shambhala Buddhist Speaker. The topic was "getting unstuck" and how easy it is to keep doing the undesired behavior, (the one we know we want to change,) over and over, whether it's a repetitive thought, reaction, or physical action. The Tibetan word for that moment when we have that uncomfortable feeling is called "Shenpa." Addictions are an example of a Shenpa. It's that unpleasant, tightening feeling that we attempt to cope with, and we form responses that protect us from it. Our bodies have multiple systems doing this precise work for us. Our life experiences and how we respond to them shape who we are. I found myself feeling a lot of compassion for all my "Shenpas". They are there as a result of me trying to navigate my way through Life. The urge to get some relief and fall back from Life's difficulties is natural, but it never resolves the actual issue, and it's not very satisfying over the long term. It always comes back around unless we work with it and ultimately transform it. We might not even have a clear memory of what formed the Shenpa, but we recognize the feeling.
The Buddhist way to work with Shenpa is to be in meditation, and I learned that it can look very different depending on the individual. Some people sit on a cushion, some meditate while walking down the road; the purpose is to stay in the present moment and when you feel that urge rising, whether it's to smoke, or eat something unhealthy, or sink into negative chatter in your mind; whatever YOU have identified as the thing you want to let go of, stay with it and use the four 'R's :
Recognizing: you know that feeling!
Refraining: pause.....not allowing yourself to cave into the urge
Relaxing: breathe, occupy this space with your whole being, and "stay" with it
Resolving: with taking the time to let the urge pass, the pattern is eventually broken, and more insights and options are available to you!

For me, meditation involves connecting my mind and spirit to my body. Unstructured, multi-directional movement has facilitated powerful new neuro-pathways that helped me resolve the chronic pain I had been living with, which I believe was rooted in the emotional centers as well as in old injuries. Shenpas are usually from the past. They're like an inner-child saying, "Hey, I still need some attention!!"
Hoop dance brings my awareness to the present moment instantly. I'm going to pay more attention to what else I notice in observation of my hoop practice. One thing I experienced the other morning was this feeling of a dramatic shift from a "ho-hum- I'm- tired- of -winter" energy to a complete "OH YEEEEEAH!!!" feeling, and my body being primed for the day's tasks. This was from about 10 minutes of hooping.

Add a few more minutes to your hoopy time, breathe deep, and see what happens!!

Performing with PTSD~ a poem

It's time to dance
Pay no attention to those voices
Whispering bitter nasty nothingness
Reach into reserves
Keep it simple
There is wisdom in that
Breathe

Feeling wired in to every emotion in this room
Tight bud around my heart trembling, untwisting
I walk into your sight
And Love blooms like a moon flower
Opening under the star shine

Allow Joy to rise and shimmer on the surface
Allow Hope to spiral upward from the root

Directions, I am calling you
Spin this body born into ecstasy
Sustain every cell awake to this moment

There is no separation
Sonic waves of rhythms dance toward the audience
Their inquiries and wonder
Dance back to me
This bio-rhythmic language is what we are speaking with
Doubts become blurred
And disintegrate into dust under my dancing feet

That inner-star-child is in the room
That ancient being
Is showering down essence in the form of light

That impulse mushrooms
Into Love Creation

In the crowd with PTSD

Recently I've started attending music festivals again; something I'd always enjoyed in the past, although at some point in my past my ability to socialize more and more became a slow fade. I would feel the intensity, the energies, the heart and rage in the people around me and I would begin to shut down. First my body would respond with flashes of sensation moving to the surface of my skin like a pulsation, and then my brain would start to withdraw from the conversations and I would become less and less engaged, less and less present. It was a shell of protection that my body's intelligence was performing with such precision, before I was even conscious to any stress. My body had started to perceive all kinds of activities as stress, including things I loved.
Hooping and Poi spinning have been such a gift because they have brought me back out of this shell and have given me the ability to be with people again. No one seeing me in public would ever guess that I have PTSD. You can't spot it from the outside.
I missed dancing and I also missed feeling genuinely safe. I wanted to be able to offer something from a place of strength and centeredness blended with the pure joy of being alive.
At Shambhala Music Festival this year I was dancing on the beach with my hoops and I was suddenly in a state of heightened awareness. I had my back turned to the crowd and I could feel some of their eyes on me, curiously watching me trace geometric patterns in the early morning sun with my hoops. I could feel how much I was clinging to those hoops to keep me centered and how at the same time keeping them moving was allowing the stress in my system to just evaporate into the morning air. It felt like I was free to be here or there, and that it was okay for me to be on my own when I needed to be, but that I would no longer have to disappear in order to feel safe. In fact it was the opposite. I could become even more more visible, more present, and keep sharing from my heart to those around me through my expressions in movement. There are no words to describe what that feels like except Gratitude...